It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You pole danced in your parka.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
