I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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