adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
