the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Im part way to drunk.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
