We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I can't put those talents on a resume
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
