dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
