cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
