First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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