And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
