I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
