i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Pants are for mortals
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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