Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
