You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
