Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
