It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
