Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You just made me feel so damn special
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
