The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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