I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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