Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
