Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
