This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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