problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
