She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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