My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
