take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
