I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
