where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
