Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
