You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
