Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
