so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
