Someone shit on the floor
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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