Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I smell stomach acid.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
