I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
