it hurts more in the daytime
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
