once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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