I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
