Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
