he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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