woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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