im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
