i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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