I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
