one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
