By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's get the cat blown out
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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