Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
