Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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