Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
