I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
