i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
