Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
