i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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